Date night

We’re trying out the latest craze for tired, middle-aged parents: date night cards. The experience has, so far, been mixed.

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#metoo #butnotmydaughter

It was the call you never want to receive from your child’s school.

“I wanted to ask if it would be OK for your daughter to speak to the police.”

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The hamster is fine, thank you

The phone rings while I am at work. “This is Lucy from Pets at Home. Just checking to see how your hamster is settling in.”

I suppress a sigh. This is the third time someone from the company has called - usually in the middle of my working day - to asked our hamster’s health.

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Why I am thinking of committing a crime

I am thinking about committing a crime. Just a small crime, nothing that would really hurt anyone. Like maybe selling an alcoholic beverage to a 17-and-a-half-year-old. Or importing some Polish potatoes to the UK without notifying the authorities (I kid you not, this is a genuine law, which came into effect in 2004).

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